He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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