Don't you send me to vm
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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