i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
