I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
