FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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