He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
