Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
