last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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