Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
