That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
