that's an acceptable place to lick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize