i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
