all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
