What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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