I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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