There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize