Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
