Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
