everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
