Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
