he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
