I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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