I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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