apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
