so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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