Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
