I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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