I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
