so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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