im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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