I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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