you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
