umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
