Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
