like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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