Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
