Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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