I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize