So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
