did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this is an emotional support booty call
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
