If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
