omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize