friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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