i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
