theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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