Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
