And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
