I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
