I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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