I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
