did you get engaged???
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
