can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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