1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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