i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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