My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
