I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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