He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bring me that man meat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
