these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
