If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
