We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
