I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
