He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
