not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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