We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You've changed since you got that strap on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
