I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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