mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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